Posted: 15 May 2012 11:01 PM PDT by Chris Sprad
http://www.epicparent.tv/acceptable-child-abuse-10-signs-youre-abusing-your-kids/

1. At the end of the day, do you pick up all your kiddos stuff? Dishes? Evil Knievel action figures? Undies? Junk in the living room? If so, I think it’s awesome that you are getting her accustomed to having an expensive personal servant when she becomes a young adult.

2. When your kiddos ask to go see The Avengers (which is awesome btw…), when they want the new KD’s or when they have to have the new Dora backpack…do you jump to it and make it happen ASAP? If so, you’re teaching him that the world owes him everything he wants without any work or effort on his part.

3. Do you let your kids disregard adults and give wimpy hand shakes. If so, your teaching them a habit of dishonor that will plague them for the rest of their lives.

4. Have you exposed your kids to Snooki and Jersey Shore? Do you STILL have the Victoria Secret catalog delivered to your home? (WAKE UP!) Do you joke with your sons about T & A? (dads, you know who you are). If so, you very well may be preparing them for a lifelong addiction to porn.

5. If you and your spouse have a throw down…do you bad mouth, dishonor and tear down your spouse in front of your son? If so, your teaching them destructive patterns they will carry into their marriage.

6. Do you encourage (hm, hm…force) your kids to play basketball, football, chess, piano, join the yearbook staff, start a band, launch a business, make straight A’s and have a boyfriend!!?! If so, you’re probably trying to make up for all your failures and inadequacies!! You’re also teaching your son to be an overachiever and a people pleaser.

7. FORCE your kids to behave like nice little Christian kids and the result is fake little Christian kids that will one day run away from Jesus!!

8. Constantly interfere in your childs’ play dates, then you will constantly interfere in your kids’ clothing choice, then you will constantly interfere in your kids’ dating life, then you will constantly interfere in your kids’ college choice only to find out that you no longer have a kid to interfere with!

9. Do you give your kids the silent treatment when you disapprove of their behavior? If so…STOP IT! That’s child abuse! Get help now.

1o. When your son is reprimanded (by a teacher, activity leader, neighbor or law enforcement officer), do you immediately assume that they are picking on your child? This teaches lack of respect, the ability to politely defend oneself, and a warped sense of prejudice leading to the feeling that “everyone is against me.”

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I get Sprad’s email daily and am often tremendously blessed. Today I felt that it was simply worth passing along into our community and inspiring you to read his daily encouragement for parents. He’s raw…but I love it. Thanks Chris!

~ Pastor Bruce

Most parents can relate to the challenge of addressing the topic of sex with their children.  How much information is enough and how much is too much?  When are they ready for the conversation and when it is to soon?  How do we bring up the topic?  To be honest, the awkwardness and fear many times causes us to avoid the subject all together and culture becomes the only formative voice in the lives of our children on such a critical issue.  Once again, the Fuller Youth Institute (he have referred to their blog previously) has provided a helpful resource for us as parents on having this “awkward conversation” with our students.  I encourage you to take a listen:

Fuller Youth Institute: How Do I Talk About Sex With My Teenager?

Again…I can’t help myself! I’m grateful for FRIGHTENING videos like the one above from Legend Josh McDowell

I must say that the irony of his efforts just one month after 50 Shades of Grey took the world by storm (and best seller list) is no surprise. The issue addressed in this video and in MOST homes is PANDEMIC

I would like to inspire each family to take an INVENTORY and truly consider what our homes are DOING to thwart the influence of pornography under our own roof! Truly the video of each character is bound to penetrate your heart regarding the specific family make up in your home. I’ll keep my words to a minimum and ask YOU to post your thoughts and actions to be taken!

~ Pastor Bruce

D303 & Centennial Counseling To Host Film

on Female Bullying

“Finding Kind” at Arcada Theatre on April 22

Centennial Counseling Center and St. Charles School District 303 are proud to host a free screening of the documentary film: Finding Kind, with a panel discussion following the presentation of the film.  The St Charles Youth Commission and the historic Arcada Theatere are sponsoring this screening.  Finding Kinddocuments two college girls, Lauren Parsekian and Molly Thompson, as they travel across the country in order to better understand the epidemic of female bullying and challenge girls and women to become allies of change…by Finding Kind.

Date: Sunday, April 22, 2012

Time: 1-3 p.m.

Where:  Arcada Theatre

105 E Main St.

St. Charles, IL 60174

To view the Finding Kind trailer, and for more information about the Kind Campaign and how you can be a part of the movement, visit: www.kindcampaign.com

PLEASE NOTE:  Due to certain language and content, Finding Kind is recommended for students in grades 6-12, although younger children will be allowed to attend at the discretion of their parents.  The film is best used as a conversation starter—feel free to bring your family, team, or group.

Ashley Judd has been one of my favorites since Simon Birch (1998)…and is still on my top 20 list of dvd’s to be stranded on a desert island with.  I’ve used for teaching purposes often over the past decade.  But now I am even more of a fan of Judd.  Please use the link to read her words regarding body image and self esteem.  Honestly I think it may be worth reading alongside of your student in order to discuss specifically the questions she addresses and how as Christ following families we address our culture.  Be encouraged by the words of Scripture…

I Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

~ Pastor Bruce

Probably going to steal this illustration … but wanted to let one of my favorites share it directly and encourage you toward faith at home and the baby steps that are necessary for TRANSFORMATION both individually, as a family, and as the Body of Christ. Listen to the last 20 seconds carefully and be encouraged!

~ Pastor Bruce

(re-post of Carey Casey on March 15 — http://fathers.com/street-corner-fathering-and-four-steps-to-better-discipline#video)

Another dad is in the news for “going public” to address an issue with his child…

One day during spring break, he took Michael, his 7th grader, out to the corner of a busy intersection wearing a sandwich board sign.

The issue was the son’s poor grades. Michael brought home three F’s, and his teachers reported that he’s a class clown. This is how his father decided to “send a message.”

The front of the sign read, “Hey, I want to be a class clown. Is it wrong?” Then, on the back: “I’m in the 7th grade and got 3 F’s. Blow your horn if there’s something wrong with that.” From the video it appears he got plenty of honks.

See the video …. (Note: the title on the video is not mine.)

Maybe you’re like me… You empathize with this dad’s concern that his child could be come a “statistic”; you’ve probably shared his desire to do something decisive that will get his child’s attention. I do affirm him for taking action. Too many children today aren’t held accountable for their behavior, and many of them don’t have involved fathers or father figures.

You can never know for sure, case by case … but I would expect actions like this to have some negative long-term effects, whether in the child’s life or the trust he feels toward his dad.

I believe there are positive actions we can take in these situations. We can teach our children powerful life lessons without resorting to public embarrassment. There are important principles to keep in mind when we’re correcting our children and seeking to shape their behavior.

1. Don’t make it about you. I know many dads struggle in this area, including me. When a situation comes up with our kids, sometimes our default responses aren’t healthy. We might be more concerned about getting some peace and quiet, putting the child in his place, or maybe even asserting our own right to be “in charge.”

But those things are more about what we feel than what is best for our children. The goal is for our children to view us as teammates or cheerleaders on the road of life, not adversaries. Some have even described healthy correction as rescuing our children from the danger that comes with a life of disrespect and disobedience.

2. Do use consequences to teach your child. Sometimes he won’t learn unless he loses a privilege or his life gets much harder for a day, a week, or longer in some cases. Consequences get his attention and can have powerful results. They also prepare him for the real world, where irresponsibility and disrespect will cost him in very real ways.

At a young age, your child needs to know that you mean what you say. If he gripes and complains, that’s when you know it’s working! Just make sure the responsibility rests squarely on his shoulders to fix the situation; that increases the chances that he’ll learn something.

3. Don’t embarrass or humiliate—even as a last resort. It’s okay to show some emotions; often it’s good for a child to see that you’re disappointed, sad or even angry because of what he has done. Just make sure those emotions don’t lead you to go too far. It may seem contrary to what seems natural, but the best approach with a behavior issue is to be objective and calm—giving your child real-life consequences while expressing confidence that he or she will do better next time.

A child who has messed up should feel remorse and sadness, but those negatives should quickly lead to positive motivation. If our actions as a father shame or humiliate him, his lasting memory from the event will likely be more focused on about the intense emotions than any lessons he can use in the future.

4. Do stay positive. Keep your ultimate, big-picture goal in mind: to help your child learn and grow from mistakes. Everything you do should be about that.

Positive discipline is done out of love and leads to hope. It’s an expression of nurturance, not just correction—and that makes sense, since both have the same goal of helping our children become confident, well-adjusted people. Even in correction and discipline, our children should come away from the experience with a clear impression that “Dad loves me.” “He’s doing this because he wants the best for me.”

Discipline is a big topic, and this is only a brief outline. What other ideas or tips are useful for you in tough situations with your kids?

Hey Parents,

We had a great Club night last night learning about the promise of PEACE in Scripture, we looked at three big promises the Bible makes about peace. First, peace is a gift, second peace changes our lives, and finally the experience of peace is tied to obedience. In the second section of the sermon about how peace changes our lives I told your students the story of Polycarp, an early Church martyr. I’m hoping that your students came home excited to tell you his story, in the small group I sat in on I know the students loved hearing it! Anyway I wanted to share his story with you below, it’s a little lengthy but worth the read, it powerfully impacted me when I first heard it. Polycarp was an 86 year old disciple of the Apostle John when he was martyred, the below story is the story of his martyrdom composed a year after Polycarp’s death, ask your students about it after you read it!

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Three days before he was apprehended, as he was praying at night, he fell asleep, and saw in a dream the pillow take fire under his head, and presently consumed. Waking thereupon, he forthwith related the vision to those about him, and prophesied that he should be burnt alive for Christ’s sake. The pursuers having arrived late in the day found him gone to bed in the top room of the house.

Hearing that they were come, he came down, and spoke to them with a cheerful and pleasant countenance: so that they were wonder-struck, who, having never known the man before, now beheld his venerable age and the gravity and composure of his manner, and wondered why they should be so earnest for the apprehension of so old a man. He immediately ordered a table be laid for them, and exhorted them to eat heartily, and begged them to allow him one hour to pray without molestation; which being granted, he rose and began to pray, and was so full of the grace of God, that they who were present and heard his prayers were astonished, and many now felt sorry that so venerable and godly a man should be put to death.

When he was brought to the tribunal, there was a great tumult as soon as it was generally understood that Polycarp was apprehended. The proconsul asked him, if he were Polycarp. When he assented, the former counseled him to deny Christ, saying, ‘Consider thyself, and have pity on thy own great age;’ and many other such-like speeches which they are wont to make.

The proconsul then urged him, saying, ‘Swear and I will release thee; – reproach Christ.’

Polycarp answered, ‘Eighty and six years have I served him, and he never once wronged me; how then shall I blaspheme my King, Who hath saved me?’

The proconsul again urged him, ‘Swear by the fortune of Caesar.’

Polycarp replied, ‘Since you still vainly strive to make me swear by the fortune of Caesar, as you express it, affecting ignorance of my real character, hear me frankly declaring what I am — I am a Christian – and if you desire to learn the Christian doctrine, assign me a day, and you shall hear.’

Hereupon the proconsul said, ‘I have wild beasts; and I will expose you to them, unless you repent.’

‘Call for them,’ replied Polycarp.

‘I will tame thee with fire,’ said the proconsul, ‘since you despise the wild beasts, unless you repent.’

Then said Polycarp, ‘You threaten me with fire, which burns for an hour, and is soon extinguished; but the fire of the future judgment, and of eternal punishment reserved for the ungodly, you are ignorant of. But why do you delay? Do whatever you please.’

The proconsul sent the herald to proclaim thrice in the middle of the Stadium, ‘Polycarp hath professed himself a Christian.’ Which words were no sooner spoken, but the whole multitude, both of Gentiles and Jews, dwelling at Smyrna, with outrageous fury shouted aloud, ‘This is the doctor of Asia, the father of the Christians, and the subverter of our gods, who hath taught many not to sacrifice nor adore.’

They now called on Philip the asiarch, to let loose a lion against Polycarp. But he refused, alleging that he had closed his exhibition. They then unanimously shouted, that he should be burnt alive. For his vision must needs be accomplished – the vision which he had when he was praying, and saw his pillow burnt. The people immediately gathered wood and other dry matter from the workshops and baths.

When they would have fastened him to the stake, he said, ‘Leave me as I am; for he who gives me strength to sustain the fire, will enable me also, without your securing me with nails, to remain without flinching in the pile.’ Upon which they bound him without nailing him. So he said thus: – ‘O Father, I bless thee that thou hast counted me worthy to receive my portion among the martyrs.’

As soon as he had uttered the word ‘Amen,’ the officers lighted the fire. The flame, forming the appearance of an arch, as the sail of a vessel filled with wind, surrounded, as with a wall, the body of the martyr; which was in the midst, not as burning flesh, but as gold and silver refining in the furnace. We received also in our nostrils such a fragrance as proceeds from frankincense or some other precious perfume.

At length the wicked people, observing that his body could not be consumed with fire, ordered the confecter to approach, and to plunge his sword into his body. Upon this such a quantity of blood gushed out, that the fire was extinguished.

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Parents PLEASE take the time to watch the 8 minutes above. It is the “rest of the story” following the viral youtube/facebook post of the father who “responded” to his daughter’s facebook rant and concluded with shooting 9 rounds into her laptop. There are a handful of themes in this clip: responsibility, forgiveness, discipline, and parenting to name a few. I’ll refrain from a diatribe on this post above and simply inspire moms and dads to watch together and discuss together and THEN draw in your student to watch and discuss together. I believe the around the table discussion will be RICH tonight if you take the time to be a student of this case study from last month.

Triple dog dare you to post a comment and share your thoughts.

~ Pastor Bruce

Seriously I fell in love with this picture when I saw it. Perhaps it reminds me of my daughter. Maybe because it appears so innocent. But then I got to thinking… when does technology rob our children of their innocence and start violating our values? Granted this is NOT new. We all know that Al Gore “invented the internet”…just joking! But with the amount of internet devices in our homes today I’d like us to take an “inventory” by thoughtfully asking ourselves these questions and then perhaps reflect as a FAMILY how ya’ll are to proceed. Here goes:

1. How many devices resource the internet in your home (desk tops, phones, tablets, etc)?

2. Are they available during the minutes your family is together…lets say eating a meal?

3. Are the bedrooms void of the internet?
Best premarital advise I received was get the TV out of the bedroom before marriage. Now I ADD get ESPN & Google out of the bedroom–the Master and now the kids rooms too!

4. Parents, have you just read that pornography is readily available on the internet or are you completely AWARE that your elementary student is ONE CLICK AWAY from having their innocence altered?

5. As parents are you doing EVERYTHING possible to filter the web content to protect the minds and hearts of your children–regardless of their ages!

6. Do you “really” have your childrens’ passwords to facebook and their phones?

7. Are you faithful at “peering” into these portholes of your kids’ lives?

8. Could your family survive a technology FAST of one day each week? Could that day “be” a Saturday or Sunday?

9. Could your family do a vacation without technology…music, video, internet, texts?

Obviously I could go ON!

I admit to being a bit old school…McEvoy’s don’t text and only have a desktop and one Ipad and one Ipod. So you could say we are “out of touch”…but I would argue it has helped my wife and I win home field advantage and supports our vision to raise spiritual champions.

Please consider swimming against the current and try reducing your addiction to technology in order to strengthen the ROOTS of your family by playing a game, taking a hike, teaching an old school card game, or simply making a fort if you have little ones or creating an experience/adventure with your adolescents…sign up for a race or compete in one of these crazy endurance experiences in the mud. Email me…I’m all in and would love to take a whole fleet of students and parents into a 5k gig.

~ Pastor Bruce